Today is the day I lived.
What happened after I lived is more trauma than anyone should ever have to go through. I didn’t want to be alive if this was what it’s going to be like. I got angry with God for allowing me to live. I have learned that was all part of the grief process.
I still have moments here and there where I feel like a burden; like a complete waste of space; like I am forgotten.
But God tells me otherwise. He reminds me in gentle ways and sometimes He reminds me in a way where He is shaking me! I am not a mistake because God doesn’t make mistakes!
I have verses to lean on. But one recently popped out at me.
”Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.“
John 15:13 NIV
This one really opened my eyes and appreciate every little thing my husband, who is also my caregiver, does. This accident has also turned his life upside down. He selflessly gives and makes sure I’m okay and gently reminds me of when I need to better care for myself.
He is following one of the commands Jesus talks about. He is laying down his own life for mine, in a way, by fully caring for me. He, and his mother, are the only two who will drop what they are doing to care for a need I may have.
I am lucky to still have my husband. He is the only one who hasn’t left me. Now I get a lot of good emotional support from others through church or online, and I fully recognize that and appreciate it so much! Much love to you all. But this guy is at my side 24/7. He makes me laugh; holds me when I’m in tears; listens to me when I’m angry and need to just vent!!
The past two years have really opened my eyes in many ways to many things. I am thankful I still have breath and forever faithful to my God.