• kaciespiers

It Really Is Well

So a friend sent me this song yesterday, and I didn’t expect it to be a Christian song at all. I thought they were sending me an EDM song or something since we are both into that. The more I kept listening, I realized “my saying” “it is well” was being sung over and over again.

Now I had just started driving to go get a coffee after the tanning bed, and wasn’t expecting to hear this… and of course, the first line says,

How can I say it is well

When my voice can barely speak?

How can I sing You a song

In the midst of suffering?

Let Your peace wash over me

‘Cause I need You now more than ever

Teach my soul to sing

… and for the longest, I haven’t believed this.

Every summer I go up to this summer camp called Lake Aurora Christian Camp. I have gone there since I was in like kindergarten. I used to be a camper, and the past few years I’ve worked up there. Last summer, this saying was just laid on my heart “it is well”.

I have no idea why this saying was laid on my heart… but it just stuck out to me. I would be working and we’d have Christian music playing and that would be the only part of the song that would stick out to me, the rest was just a blur. We would go to devos as a group or go to the campers worship sessions and it was just something that so clearly spoke out to me… and I could hear God just laying it on my heart. I even broke down crying one worship session to the song. “You Make Me Brave”.

Now I came home that summer not exactly knowing what that saying was supposed to mean to me. I could just feel it was something God was trying to tell me, and I knew I was going to figure out exactly what it was supposed to mean.

I came home and it wasn’t until my first semester of college that I actually put this saying to use… I did that by creating this blog and calling it, “it is well”. But I still didn’t really know what it was supposed to mean to me, however, I did know that I wanted to get a tattoo of this saying on my forearm.

For months I contemplated where I wanted to get the tattoo, how exactly I wanted it to look, the font, the size, and everything that you could possibly determine about a tattoo… Now you realize I still wasn’t figuring out what exactly it meant to me though.

I told a friend of mine that they were going to come with me to get this tattoo the next time they came down… although when they came down I decided I no longer wanted to get it right now.

Not because I didn’t like the saying, but because I felt I wasn’t ready. I felt that it wasn’t well in my life. I felt I couldn’t put this saying on my body permanently if it wasn’t really well right now. I felt my life was just falling apart… relationships with people, things I was passionate about, my job, my relationship with God, finances, my health… it all just seemed to be slipping through my own hands and there was nothing I could do about it…

This saying that I felt God had laid on my heart I now felt he was just ripping it away from me. But I fought and fought for it. I wanted things to be well so badly. I wanted to be close to God, I wanted a good healthy relationship, I wanted my job to want me and appreciate me, I wanted my friends back and dance and cheer, I wanted a father who cared, I wanted depression and anxiety to go away, and most of all I wanted to see a future again…

So I didn’t get the tattoo, I felt I was too messed up right now, and things were too far from being well. I decided I needed to wait till things were ok again and things were actually well.

Which brings me to yesterday…

Because I realized that I’ve still been holding back. I haven’t let things go that I know is time to let go. I haven’t dealt with things yet that I know I need to let myself deal with. I hadn’t felt that “it is well” for a while now, and I’ve let it hold me back, and not only from getting a stupid tattoo… but I’ve let it hold me back from God, and from really listening to what he was trying to tell me though this saying.

But when I realized this song my friend sent me was actually a Christian song, I went back and replayed it… and that first part of the song gave me chills…

How can I say it is well

When my voice can barely speak?

How can I sing You a song

In the midst of suffering?

Let Your peace wash over me

‘Cause I need You now more than ever

Teach my soul to sing

And I finally realized what God has been trying to tell me this whole time…

Life sucks ya know? Trust me, I feel I know of all people. I’ve been through a lot… and it always feels that whenever things seem to feel like they are finally getting better, that it is finally “well” life just hits you hard again and you're back, down and defeated again. And it’s always harder than the last time to get back up again… but you always manage to pull yourself back up.

Today the verse up above just kept hitting me hard. I realized that it is always well. Yes, times may be tough. You may have a few sucky days, weeks, heck maybe even years, but it is well. His peace is still washing over you… in fact it is covering you.

There’s no perfect time for me to get this tattoo… or for me to proclaim that “it is well”. Because I will always be going through something. But I do have God next to me, and I do have his peace washing over me, even when I can’t seem to find my own piece in the midst of the storms.

I’ve always asked myself, “How can I say it is well when my voice can barely speak?” And today I can finally answer that question… it’s because of him.

I’m not like this huge Christian like some people think… I mess up. I don’t read my bible every day, I don’t pray every day, and as bad as it sounds… a lot of times I don’t even pay attention in church… church is my time to be still and think and I sometimes block out what God is trying to tell me because I think I can do it alone. Well, let me be the first to tell you… you can’t.

I know things may be tough, but that doesn’t mean things aren’t well. If you’re waiting for a specific time… when things are good in life like I was… I’m sorry but you’re never going to find it… because it is always well.

Now I’m not this big Christian like I said up there, and I don’t do a lot of things, not because I don’t want to… but honestly, because I’m sort of afraid. I’m afraid to do a bible study with someone and look stupid for not knowing everything. I’m afraid to pray because I’m afraid I won’t say the right things. I’m afraid to pay attention in church because I’m afraid I’ll hear something I’m not ready to hear or act on… but it’s time.

I know it may be uncomfortable, but it’s time to step out of your comfort zone and further your walk with Christ.

This week I encourage you to reach out to someone… maybe a close friend or family member, maybe someone you don’t know that well, maybe someone who goes to your church, or maybe even someone who doesn’t know Christ at all. I encourage you to reach out to them and start doing something together. Start small maybe and just pray together, maybe go to church together and help each other pay attention, or maybe really step out of your comfort zone and ask someone to start a bible study with you.

I know it’s uncomfortable, and scary, and bold… but it will be so worth it. And I encourage you to remind yourself that “it is well” even in the midst of your troubles because it really is well. “Mountains may tremble and sea billows roll but I'll sing IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL!”

Still In Control By: Mack Brock

Songs that stuck out to me this week:

(You Make Me Brave By: Kristene DiMarco)

(Way Maker By: Leeland)

(I Am Loved By: Mack Brock)

If you have any prayer requests, need more advice on this topic, or just need someone to talk to feel free to contact.

©2019 by it-is-well.